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Make America Turtleneck Again

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Turtlenecks (*But Were Afraid to Ask)
Man Repeller’s Amelia Diamond, light of my (night-reading) life and the worst cook in the world, has enlightened us on the real history of the turtleneck. (https://www.manrepeller.com/2013/11/the-genesis-of-turtlenecks.html, part of the “real history of fashion.”)
I’m here to give you the fake but accurate version.
Turtlenecks were created in the 1960s by intellectuals with bottle-bottom glasses and frog eyes. Originally called ‘neckwarmers’ they were intended to increase circulation of blood to the brain. Without the turtleneck, Jean Paul Sartre, Samuel Beckett, Susan Sontag, and Gloria Steinham would not have given us the brain tickle they have given us. The world would be a lot less smart without them. Spies like us wear turtlenecks, too, Julia Kristeva among them.
So I am here to make a prognosis, the Second Coming of Great Change. Can you hear it? 
Make America Turtleneck Again.
What? It’s spring. I know. Bu…

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